“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”- unknown
I took this quote from a Facebook friend who had posted it. I feel like this quote is the best way to describe me and the last 6 months of my life. When I had Ella, I think everyone would have found it totally normal for me to go into my room, turn off the lights and not emerge for a month. I bet Mike and my mom would have brought me food at regular intervals and my dad would have sent me books to pass the time. Erin would have done all of my work for me and my sister in law would of brought me Chipolte and vodka whenever I asked for it. No one would have thought it was odd that I was hiding from reality. They would have given me my time and said nice things to me and patted my head and secretly talked to one another about how to fix me. As much as a months reprieve from reality would have been nice (I mean, no work, vodka and books on demand, what more could I want??) I stayed strong so those around me would know the game plan and would follow suit. I need strength from my inner circle, not only because of Ella but because we lead a crazy busy life and I need everyone to know that their leader is strong and they should be too. We don't have time in this family for "poor me". We deal with the hand we are dealt and we wake up each morning knowing the day is what we make of it. Sure, sometimes I feel sad, but I allow those feelings like I allow myself fattening desserts. Only on rare occasions and only if I have the time to truly experience the feeling. Not worth the time or the calories otherwise!
I don't really have anything else "insightful" to post. I am to tired to be insightful. We just wrapped up a crazy two weeks of moving our office to a new location (it rocks), taking a ton of new listings, starting homework routines and yelling at Reed for rolling the baby up in his carpet, so really, I have no mind capacity for insightfullness right now.
Oh, you were reading the last paragraph... Yes, I did say yelling at Reed for rolling the baby up in his carpet. Right. The nanny called me on Friday at work. She was livid. I love when Roxie is livid. The accent just makes me think of Mary Poppins and well, I tend to lose focus on why she is mad and focus more on perfecting my own accent to use in such cases. Anyways, she was angry with Reed. It seems that they were all playing in Reed's room and Roxie stepped out to take a phone call. When she came back Ella was rolled up in Reed's carpet like a burrito. Now, normally, I would be angry with Reed for this, but Roxie caught me right in the middle of our office move, I hadn't slept all week, I was stressed, etc.. So, when I heard her say Reed rolled Ella up in the carpet, I started laughing. I couldn't stop. Dear Roxie thought I was crying and then tried to console me, which made me laugh more. She then put me on speaker phone and asked me to talk to Reed about his actions. It went like this: "Reed, you are NOT ALLOWED to roll your sister up in your carpet". I then stopped because I was crying it was so funny. Everyone in my office was laughing. Roxie wasn't. (Disclaimer: Ella was totally fine and not fazed at all, wasn't even crying). I then asked Reed why he did it. His response: "Ella scratched me and I didn't want her to be able to use her arms to do it again.". I was really proud of Reed for using some form of cause and effect in the situation. Normally Reed doesn't do a lot of thinking other than wondering what type of cereal he is having for breakfast or if his cheetah came in from outside for the night, so to hear him say something that took a little more thought, it made me happy. We did have a talk about not making his sister a baby burrito and that it could of hurt her to do that, but, in the end, Ella was OK, I got to let out a little stress and I gave everyone in the office a reason to laugh...
Did I mention Ella started OT? She did. The therapist was 20 minutes late. Not a good start. Even better, she didn't show the next week. No call, nothing. I get a call from another OT who told me the therapist we had coming to the home shut down her business and isn't allowed to see patients anymore. I don't know the details and I am just thankful Ella didn't bond with her and then this happened. I am pretty pissed though. This woman had to know that she was going to be shutting her business and could have given us a heads up. Ella needs OT and deserves OT and now we have to start over in our search for a therapist. It delays her right to have the therapy and her development and well, if I was to see this lady again, I am pretty sure I would tell her where she could stick her feathers. The other thing that sucks... There is an OT shortage in the valley so I literally can't find a new one. I am on a waiting list for 2 OT's and still making emails and calls daily to find someone. I get that some people are flaky, but when your job involves helping special needs children and they depend on you to help them develop, grow up and do your job. GRRRR.
Despite not having OT, my Ella Bella is doing pretty awesome. She is interested in eating, chewing on her hands, blowing raspberries and yelling into her mirror. She refuses to laugh. REFUSES. I have decided that it has nothing to do with her delays and has everything to do with her taking after me. It takes a lot to make me laugh, so naturally, Ella would be the same way, right? I pretty much only laugh when I get to sing Karaoke or I watch the Golden Girls on TV (yes, I liked Betty White way before she was so hip), so she'll get there... Right???
She also has no interest in sitting up. I work with her every day and she just doesn't have the muscle tone yet. She is trying, trying, trying, but if she also takes after me in the muscle tone department, it could be a while before we see her abs toned enough to hold her up. I mean, I can't wave good bye without my arms continuing the wave for a good 3 minutes after I stop waving. Poor girl, she is destined to never laugh and have floppy arms. At least when the boys do something I can blame it on Mike. Like when Reed throws like a girl or Ryan is scared of a spider, I totally know that is from their dad's side. Makes me feel better.
There are so many other things going on, I could go on all night, but I wake up at 5:00 to work my floppy arms and I am tired. Ella is asleep and so is the rest of my family. Till next time my friends....