Why am I in a sour mood?
I am worried about my little Reed as he is always sick and randomly runs a fever and I just want to get him to the doctor to get him checked out so my mind will stop wandering to all the "what if's". He is going to the doctor tomorrow but right now I want him to feel better and not be sick.
I am angry about work and the snails pace we are moving at. About 2 months ago now we purchased a national franchise and we have been slowly rolling it out. I don't do slow. I want to throw myself into this 100% and not sleep until the entire state of Arizona knows who we are. Unfortunatly I am not the only one in control of the time frame.... The department of real estate and the phone provider and our new landlord and just about every vendor we deal with seems to not think that a fast roll out is necessary. I literally wake up ready to go and have myself a little hissy fit every morning because I can't get to work until Ella is done with therapy and the nanny gets here. I want to get to work at 5 and work until 8 and well, I can't. This is the worlds biggest internal struggle ever... I love to work, I love to take risk and I love what we are putting in place but then on the flip side I love my kids and my home life and well.... Balance isn't coming easy these days. When you own your own business you are only successful if you make it successful, so when I stay home or leave early i feel like I am cheating the business but if I stay and work I am cheating my family. Without the business my family suffers as I need to be able to pay for food and shelter and those expensive nintendo games so how do I win? I think once the kids are back in school it will relieve some of the stress as I know they aren't sitting at home wishing Mommy could play with them but damn...It's not been fun lately.
I am also very angry about the fact that I am apparantly to old to work out. I did a "boot camp" for 2 days and after that second day the back of my leg hurt. I assumed it would go away.. Nope. It's getting worse. I haven't worked out in almost a month and if I leave my leg bent for longer than 2 seconds, I am in pain. I wake up at night from the pain. I am dissapointed in my old body. I should be able to work out more than twice and not have such an issue. It's like my body wants me to wear my fat jeans forever. I want to go back to boot camp but honestly, given the fact that I threw up at the last one and now I can't walk without looking like a 90 year old, I don't think I can show my face there...
I am mad that I haven't had more time to spend with those parents who are just finding out their babies have Down syndrome. I want to be there for them. I want to one day be the one who is able to tell others that it will all be OK and that you can balance a family, a business and Down syndrome. I just need time to figure out how to get the message out.
I am mad at people who drive slow.
I am mad at the store for never having Ella's formula
I am mad at it not being football season yet
I am mad that I got sea sick from riding on an intertube behind my boat (again, another testament to my old age)
I am mad that Ryan will be 7 in a week and I am not creative enough to throw him a party straight out of Pottery Barn. My parties are straight out of Party City.
I am mad that my housekeeper came and within 25 minutes of being home, my house is messy again
I am mad that I wake up early to enjoy my coffee and I am out of coffee.
Well, that about covers it for today. Let's see, to balance out my sour mood, it is only right to share something about my little ray of sunshine, white wine. Oh, wait, I meant my kids....
Ella is doing awesome as usual. Just being herself and not really caring about much other than smiling and hanging with her brothers. Reed is sick but somehow manages to still be cute and Ryan is turning into quite the big brother. He is all about Ella and listening to each of her therapist and doing her exercises with her and making sure she is happy. I love them all even when I am in a sour mood.. :)