It seems I am a little behind with posting about holidays. I really do try and get these things out in a timely manner, but I am often faced with the option of posting or holding Ella and having her smile at me. I usually choose the later option... Sorry... but here is my Mother's Day post.
7 years (or so) ago, I only wanted 1 child. I wanted to have this 1 child by the time I was 24 and I wanted to travel a lot, work a lot and love my one child more than life itself. I didn't believe my heart had room to love more than 1 child and I didn't really care to find out.
I had this one child when I was 23. We managed to travel a lot, work a lot and love this one child rotten. Because it was my first, everything seemed much more dramatic and awful then it really was. He has a fever! Oh no, call the Dr. ASAP and put the hospital on alert. He didn't poop today, he must be dying. Seriously, my neurotic mothering was out of control, but it was a happy little life, just the 3 of us. I think I was a good mom to my first. He ate 3 meals a day, was spoiled with love and toys and never left my side.
Then, one day, we decided that having one wasn't enough. We would have 2 kids. I mean, everyone has 2 kids. I was OK with this idea, but I am not going to lie, I was afraid my little mommy heart couldn't love my second kid as much as I loved my first. I was worried about treating them differently, about favoring one over the other. I was worried that I was now being trusted with two little lives to mold. It was like double the chance for mistakes. Then, little boy #2 arrived. Wow. He was nothing like my first. He screamed (a lot), he never slept. He made it impossible for us to leave the house. The weird thing was that once he was here, my mommy heart swelled with love and I had more than enough love for both my boys. I didn't have to work at it. I didn't have to pretend. It just happened. It was awesome. I was an even better mom to both my boys. Somehow the chaos of having two little boys made me stronger and a better mother. It made me realize when to love and when to be tough. It made me realize that I need to be fair to both kids, but I don't have to treat them exactly the same. I really liked being the mom to 2 boys. I felt pretty accomplished in my mothering skills. We were on the fast track to our perfect little life.
THEN.... one day in June 2009, somewhere between swim lessons and packing for vacation, I found out I was pregnant with #3. Really.... 3 kids. I won't lie. I wasn't estactic about this news. I spent the next 9 months coming to grips with the new reality of my life. Even up to the day I gave birth I wasn't really sure I was ready to be the mom of 3.
Well, if I wasn't ready to be the mom of 3 on the day I gave birth, I surely wasn't ready to be the mom of 3 with my newest bundle of joy having Down syndrome. I had to get used to not only having 3 kids (remember, just 7 years ago, I was happy with 1) but now I had to get used to a new world of parenting as well.
Fast forward 3 months into this mom of 3 adventure and guess what. Being the mom of 3 rocks. SUPER ROCKS. It is quite possibly the most natural feeling for me. Craziness, I know, but it just feels right. When the 5 of us are all together having dinner or hanging out, I couldn't ask for a better feeling. My heart not only loved 1 kid, then 2 kids but it pours out love for all 3 kids. My heart is happy. At night, when I go to sleep and my cuddly babies are all tucked into bed, I love it. I love the chaos the morning brings and I love driving my 3 kids around in my "mom" car and I love telling people I have 3 kids. That day in June was the best thing to ever happen to my family and made this last Mother's Day the best one yet. I have 3 awesome, totatlly unique kids that love me, that rely on me, that look up to me and it is the best feeling ever. I won't ever let them down and that is what makes me a good mommy to them (or so I like to think..).
Now, I do have a mother myself and a post about Mother's Day wouldn't be right without mentioning my mom. See, my mom and I didn't always get along. Growing up I would have to say I was that teenage girl you read about in Redbook and Good Housekeeping who doesn't like her mom, says mean things to her, shuts her out, etc. Yeah, I admit it, I was a pain in the ass to my mom. I always needed her for something, but I all around treated her poorly. Bless her heart though, she never gave up. She never walked away from me or just stopped caring. She either has a tough little heart or the ability to realize being a mother isn't always easy. At some point though, I grew up. I realized I was being a selfish little pain and I became friends with my mom and I stopped being mean and I started respecting her. I realized all she had been through in life and how hard of a worker she is and how determined and successful she has been. I realized how loyal she is and how much she loves me. I realized that no matter what happend, she would be there for me. I started to trust her opinions and rely on her advice. My mom has been a very big part of my life for about 12 years now. She has been there through everything that has mattered and she has helped me become who I am today. She taught me that you can raise a child and have a career and still find time to be Girl Scout Troop leader. She taught me that cooking is overrated but reading a book together is priceless. She is the reason my kids have clothes to wear and I never run out of toilet paper. She never sleeps and has energy for anything. She will do a shot of tequila and hang with us until 2 AM and then wake up at 7 and be ready to start the day :). She will sit next to me and let me cry when I just need to let it all out. She is amazing. She is a mom. My mom. Thanks mom, thank you for being you and allowing me to be me and for always being there and for giving up so much of your life for me. I strive to be successul to show you how much I learned from you.
You're amazing. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Happy belated Mother's day!ReplyDelete
Liz, thanks for the very nice kind word.ReplyDelete