What a week...

Sorry I went missing! I had so much pent up emotion that the first week of blogging was easy, I just sat down and the words poured out of me. This week, it has been harder. I sit down to write and I type a whole post and then delete it. I mean, do you really want to hear about how difficult it is to own your own business or how my children and husband embarrass me on a daily basis? I didn't think so. :) But, just in case you did, scroll down.

Spring break is over and life has settled into this crazy but normal routine. I have been watching this:

Reed at his first flag football game

and adoring this:

Between sports, school and my kids, by the time I have the peace and quiet to blog, I am fast asleep. I miss writing though and am hoping I get my writing mojo back this week!

Why do my husband and kids embarrass me? Well... Ryan had his first real "play date" this last weekend at our house. I was a little bit of a nervous wreck. At some point each day, I am afraid one of my kids might get hurt by randomly running out into the street and getting hit by a car or by ingesting 10 pretzels at a time and choking. SO, now I not only have to worry about my kids, but for 3 hours, I have to worry about another kid that I don't know all that well. Sure, I could let them go off and play alone, but leaving 3 boys alone in the basement seemed like a bad idea, so I came up with the idea that we should all go to the park. Bad idea. First - Ryan doesn't seem to play well with others. I am horrified by this fact as I thought it was just his little brother, but apparently any idea that isn't his just isn't cool and he refuses to do it. Great when he is 13 and offered weed, but not so great when he is 6 and needs to occupy his friend's time for 3 hours. The park was turning into a disaster. But wait, Mike would save the day! He was going to play football with the boys. Perfect! Oh, wait, you mean it isn't a good idea to kick a football as high as you can into the air and hope the little boys know it should bounce first before they catch it? No, it isn't a good idea at all. Poor Ryan's friend got beaned in the head with the football. Awesome. First playdate and the friend probably has a black eye. I was so embarrassed. How do you tell the mom that the giant bump was from a football thrown by your husband? Yeah, it wasn't fun. I don't know if he will be allowed to come back...

Work on the other hand wasn't embarrassing, it was just awful last week. It was a week where if you didn't own your own business you would call in sick for 3 days straight just to avoid the gloom. I don't have that luxury, calling in sick means the gloom just finds you at home under your covers so while the week sucked we all forged ahead and hopefully bad news comes in 3's so we are officially done with bad news for a while.

I didn't really have much to post about Ella. She is doing great, but then, tonight, as I was feeding her, I looked at her and got so sad. She looks so big now and I miss my little baby. To most she is still a little baby, she probably only weighs 6.5 lbs, but to me, she is no longer the little newborn. She has grown out of her preemie clothes and is up more during the day and eating more at each feeding. All signs she is growing up. I don't like it. I want my little 5.5 lb baby back! I can't believe that tomorrow she will be 6 weeks old. The time has flown by. In 6 weeks I have changed so much as a person and have come to love my little bean more than I ever thought I could love something. I relive the day we had Ella alot in my head. Not the Down syndrome part, but the having a baby part. I relive the first night at home, the first bath, everything. I cherish it all because I know this is the last time I will ever be doing this and I love every minute of it. I wish I could freeze time for a while. Ryan would stay 6 and so helpful and caring, Reed would stay 3 and be my little heartbreaker and Ella would be 6 weeks old and need me so much. Every day that passes seems like a year in terms of how quick they are all growing up. I just want them to be little. I think this is how people have 10 kids, they just love the little feet and kisses and cuddles and don't want to miss it. Now, I am not delusional, I am no super mom and 10 kids is 7 to many for me, so instead, I will hug the 3 I have more, I will play instead of vacuum and sing instead of talk on my cell phone. I will go on the field trips and save box tops for box top day at school. I will swing Ella in my arms instead of using her swing. I will do what I can to live these moments with them.

I am off to bed. I'll be back tomorrow. I got my mojo back.